


First time

by old_fashioned_gal



Category: Watchmen - All Media Types
Genre: Bickering, Friends to Lovers, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Rorschach Has Issues, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 05:52:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7031677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/old_fashioned_gal/pseuds/old_fashioned_gal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some firsts in Dan and Ror's relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. I'm writing this fan fic for non-profit fun. 
> 
> FYI: I haven't specified this anywhere, but I'm imagining Dan and Ror are pretty young here, hence the occasional emotional immaturity (even for them).

The first time it happened was after a near miss, the sort that had Dan shuddering at odd moments at the thought of what might have happened. All the way back to his basement he kept replaying the fight in his mind, unable to do anything but search for the critical moment, the wrong move or miscalculation that had had them suddenly at a disadvantage. It was survival instinct, he supposed. He wanted to know where they’d gone wrong to avoid a repeat. But part of him acknowledged that he also just needed to familiarise himself with the sequence of events in order to become inured to their horror. Shakily, he spoke at last: “We could have both been killed.”

He sensed rather than saw his partner’s nod. After a moment Rorschach stirred himself to say, “We’re alright, Daniel.”

Dan glanced at him. “Are you sure you are?”

Another nod. “Fine”

But his partner had hidden injuries before, so Dan told him, “I’m checking you over when we get back.”

“If you insist.”

The acquiescence reassured Dan: if Rorschach was seriously hurt, he wouldn’t give in so easily. He was laughably predictable. Dan didn’t know what he’d do if something happened to him.

Finally, Archie glided into Dan’s basement and settled ponderously at his dock. The engines cut out and Dan realised that what he’d taken for silence had at least contained engine hum. He kept his hand at the wheel. “Okay”

“Daniel. The doors?” Rorschach knew how to work the doors but he never touched anything on Archie unless Dan asked him to or was too badly injured to pilot. Dan appreciated that. Sharing Archie hadn’t been easy at first, though that was long ago. “Um. Yeah” He hit the release and the side door hissed out a sigh of relief, opening to let them stumble into the cool basement.

Dan turned to his partner. “Okay. Let’s, um, let’s take a look at you” His fingers curled into the buttoned opening of Rorschach’s coat and he realised he was still wearing his gauntlets. Letting Rorschach go, he tried to take them off but suddenly his hands were shaking and clumsy. Rorschach reached for them and removed them wordlessly.

“When that guy had the gun to your head…” Dan began.

“Yes” Rorschach handed the gauntlets over. Dan dropped them on the floor, reached for his partner again. “Jeez, there must have been twenty of them.”

Rorschach froze up a little and then relaxed as Dan’s fingers probed and then unhooked his buttons. “I stopped counting at fifteen.”

“It was a goddam frenzy! How the hell did we even get out of there?” Dan tugged at Rorschach’s unbuttoned coat, slipping it off his partner’s shoulders. It sagged to the floor with the gauntlets. Dan could see no injuries yet but he was still keen to check his partner over. Maybe if he saw Rorschach’s bare torso, bruised but unbroken, he could believe they really were both alive. Rorschach twitched, but held still under his hands, before eventually reaching for Dan. “You should be examined too, Daniel. The armour might be holding wounds closed” He reached to push back Dan’s cowl, lift his goggles clear. Dan tilted his head forward to allow it.

Layer by layer, their costumes were stripped away. Rorschach’s shirt was grimy and torn and Dan immediately set about unbuttoning that too, while Rorschach unclasped the various sections of Dan’s armour, removing Nite Owl piece by piece.

Rorschach’s undershirt was dense with sweat, greying, mercifully blood-free. Dan kept digging through the fabric for the man beneath, lifting the last layer over his partner’s head to reveal his bare torso. Dan let his hands carefully explore Rorschach’s muscular chest and abdomen, even after he’d confirmed the bruises weren’t a sign of anything worse. Rorschach’s skin seemed to jump under his fingers, electrified perhaps by the adrenaline or perhaps because this was unchartered space; new patches of freckles that Dan hadn’t touched before. Rorschach reached up, sliding his arms over Dan’s neck in a pseudo-hug to detach the cape. It sighed to the floor beside their intermingled uniforms. Dan hesitated, his fingers at the base of Rorschach’s mask. Meeting with no resistance from his partner he rolled it up as far as he’d ever seen it go, until it hid only Rorschach’s eyes and hair. “If you’d been killed” he began, “I’d never have seen your face.”

“You can see most of it”

“But I’ve never seen your eyes” Dan watched black dots chase themselves away from the patch of mask his partner’s eyes were under.

“I wasn’t killed, Daniel. We’re safe now.”

“Yeah” Dan returned, “We’re okay.”

Rorschach nodded but didn’t let go of Dan’s shoulders. Dan resumed his unnecessary examination of Rorschach’s chest. So unnecessary that he was basically just stroking the guy, but Rorschach allowed it. Dan continued, “It was so close.”

“Yes” Rorschach’s grip on Dan’s shoulders tightened.

“I don’t think we’ve ever been that outnumbered.” Dan’s hands ran from chest to arms, smoothing over Rorschach’s tense muscles.

“Agreed.” Rorschach stepped almost imperceptibly closer, a mere half inch until their torsos were almost touching. “But we’re alright.”

“If we weren’t – if you weren’t – I don’t know how I’d –”

“I’m alright, Daniel.” Rorschach’s hands mirrored Dan’s, stroking Dan’s arms. “You’re alright.”

Dan kissed him.

 *****

An hour later, they untangled themselves but stayed sprawled on the floor of the basement. Dan could feel grazes from the concrete among his bruises from the earlier fight. Beside him, Rorschach was breathing hard.

Dan reached for him. “Are you okay?”

Rorschach flinched. Dan withdrew his hand instantly, his thoughts slipping down an unwelcome track because, oh God, Rorschach wasn’t okay, of course he wasn’t okay, he was hardly the most at-ease and sexually liberated person at the best of times, and he’d just had what could only be described as desperate, hungry sex with his best friend on a basement floor. “Rorschach?” Dan hated that he didn’t know the guy’s real name. This was the first time he’d had sex with someone whose name he didn’t know. Huh. “Talk to me, buddy”

Rorschach drew a shaky breath. “Nothing to say”

“Are you…I mean did you…I mean, you seemed to want to…”

“I did.” Rorschach’s hurry to reassure was endearing. Less endearing was when he added, “It was a temporary lapse.”

“Gee, thanks.”

Rorschach made a frustrated sound, yanking his mask back over his face. “I mean on my part, Daniel.”

“So, what you did was a mistake, which makes me what? The mistake?”

“I mean I shouldn’t have sullied you.” Rorschach sprang to his feet and started to scavenge his clothes from their tangled pile.

“For goodness sake!” Dan sat up. “I’m not sullied!”

Rorschach twitched guiltily. Dan opened his mouth to point out that sex, despite what Rorschach might think, could be a life-affirming and transcendent act, but closed it again. It seemed unlikely he’d be convincing, tired and spent and sticky as he was right now. That conversation would have to wait. More important was, “We’re still partners, aren’t we?”

Rorschach paused, inclined his head. “If you’ll have me.”

Jeez, but there were a lot of crude things Dan could reply to that with. He mastered himself and replied, “Of course I’ll have you. Our partnership is…” And he trailed off, embarrassed to use words like ‘essential’ and ‘everything’. Rorschach seemed to understand anyway. He nodded with more confidence and dressed calmly and efficiently, before saying, “Goodnight, Daniel. Apologies for…the confusing turn of events.”

“Don’t apologise. It was” (electrifying, phenomenal, intense) “nice” Damn it. Dan was so distracted by his own verbal ineptitude that he almost missed Rorschach’s reply: “Hm. We shouldn’t speak of it again.”

Dan wasn’t sure if he should be disappointed – because ‘nice’ was one hell of an understatement – or relieved because sticking the event with taboo status might be what it took to save their partnership. Mutely, he nodded. Rorschach hesitated, made an odd, aborted gesture that looked suspiciously like he’d almost offered his hand for a handshake, and left.

 *****

So they didn’t speak of it. Dan showered and went to bed. Wondered if Rorschach would shower, wherever he lived. The guy was hardly a poster-boy for hygiene but he had to shower after sex, right? But Dan was weirdly turned on to think of his partner going to bed with traces of Dan still on his skin.

Dan berated himself as a pervert and slept.

The next day he strictly didn’t even think about What They Shouldn’t Speak Of Again (and really, who talked like that? Was Rorschach from the 1400s?). Rorschach surprised him by actually showing up for patrol and they had a light one, given last night’s near miss. They spoke politely at first, warmly and easily by the end. The following night, a regular patrol: a gang fight and a couple of muggings. The night after that, they broke up an illegal gambling network. Took on a drugs bust the next night. And the night after that they broke up a bigger, more heavily armed gang fight and left seven men tied up outside the nearest police station. And then had sex on Archie’s burnished aluminium floor.

 *****

“Just a thought” Dan commented, as he piloted Archie back to the brownstone, “Not speaking of it again didn’t really work out.” He glanced at Rorschach, who was dressed once more, hat, coat, scarf and all, and huddled in the passenger seat. “I mean” Dan continued, “not that that wasn’t” (don’t say nice, don’t say nice) “nice” (damn it) “but if the aim was not to have a repeat, it didn’t work. I’m just saying.”

“Daniel. You should put your clothes back on.”

“Nah, the armour’s a hassle. I’ll get into my civvies once we’re home” It occurred to Dan that the brownstone technically wasn’t home for Rorschach, but his partner didn’t correct him and he felt no need to correct himself either.

“You’re naked, Daniel. You can’t drive Archimedes naked.”

“Well, I seem to be managing.”

“What if someone sees you?”

“We’re in an airship five miles above the skyline! Who’s going to see?” Dan looked Rorschach over properly, noting the tense body language. “If it makes you feel more comfortable, I could slip the snow cape on.”

“You can’t have the snow cape on next to your naked skin. Obscene.”

“Well, you said it.”

Rorschach sighed and muttered. Dan asked him, “Are you okay?”

“Fine” Rorschach replied, then, apparently realising how un-fine his tone sounded, he admitted, “Disorientated”

“I get that”

“One week ago, I didn’t even know you were gay.”

“Well I’m not, technically” At his partner’s sharp glance Dan elaborated, “I’ve been with guys, sure, but women too. I enjoy both, as long as my partner’s someone I trust.”

Rorschach made a sound that could only be read as mingled exasperation, disgust and fondness. Dan asked him, “How about you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you gay?” Dan actually couldn’t imagine Rorschach with a woman, but then again, he wouldn’t have been able to picture him with a man until recently, and not through lack of trying.

“I don’t know” Rorschach replied with disarming honesty. “I’ve never given thought to the matter before.”

“So you’ve only been with women until now?”

“Of course not. I’ve been strong until now.”

“Stro – wait. Rorschach, was our first time…was it your first time?”

Rorschach shifted self-consciously in the passenger seat. “…yes.”

Dan was immediately overwhelmed with both a sense of honour at being his brilliant partner’s first, well, partner, and a sudden concern because, “Jeez, buddy, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“Makes a difference?”

“Of course it makes a difference! If I’d known it was your first experience I’d have been more, well, tender.”

Rorschach made one of his little noises, this one demonstrating mild surprise. Apparently the idea of a considerate lover was surprising to him. Dan filed that away as yet another clue that Rorschach’s past was not a place he wanted to explore but probably should if he was going to be there for the guy. Dan asked, “But you’re comfortable with what we’re doing? I mean, okay maybe not completely comfortable, but you enjoyed it? You trust me?”

“I trust you, Daniel. You’re a good man. That’s why this can’t happen again.”

“You’re not ready?”

“It’s wrong.”

Dan sighed heavily. “Okay. First of all, I don’t know who told you that but –”

“The Bible told me”

“Well scr – err – I mean, you know I’m not religious myself so I can’t really relate, but isn’t there a lot of stuff in the Bible that’s a little outdated?”

Rorschach said nothing. Dan asked him, “What’s so wrong with being happy?”

“Daniel, by that logic, we wouldn’t confiscate drugs. They seem to make people happy.”

“The difference is we’re not hurting anyone else.”

“We’re hurting each other. Indulging in sin.”

Dan took a moment to consider how strange his life had become: he piloting an owl-shaped flying ship, naked the day he was born and discussing sin with a decidedly not naked conservative vigilante. He tried, “I don’t think love ever counts as a sin.”

And then he realised what he’d said. Shit.

Rorschach turned to look at him properly. “Love?”

Well, yeah. “You heard me, Rorschach.” Dan looked over, letting his eyes meet the part of the mask that covered Rorschach’s eyes. Rorschach looked away fast.

“So what happens now?” Dan asked, not even sure what he was asking. What happens to their partnership or what happens to their relationship? Did two passionate sessions on various unforgiving surfaces count as a relationship?

“I’m not sure” Rorschach replied. “I didn’t foresee having to consider these matters.”

“You didn’t foresee being in a relationship?”

“Of course not”

Dan wanted to reach out to him but the river was now beneath them and he had to focus on gliding Archie into a descent. “Not even with a girlfriend?” he asked, and then, at Rorschach’s dismissive noise, “What, you just thought you’d be single until you died?”

“It’s called celibacy, Daniel.”

“Oh”

“I never found it difficult until I met you.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

Rorschach acknowledged the apology (for what, thought Dan, being so irresistible? Since when was he, Dan Dreiberg, the ultimate challenge to the celibate?) with a nod and sat tense as Archie came to rest in the basement. As soon as the doors were open he was up and almost at the mouth of the tunnel by the time Dan left the airship.

Just before he slipped away into the darkness, Rorschach paused. “Daniel” and then, before Dan could reply, Rorschach’s hands were at his mask. He tugged it up, almost dislodging his hat, which he removed with a frustrated sound. Having nowhere to put it, he paused, mask half way up, hat in hand. Dan stepped over and gently took the hat from his grasp. He had no idea what Rorschach was about to do (though part of him was hoping for a kiss) and he couldn’t hold back his gasp when Rorschach made to pull the mask off completely.

Rorschach paused, lowered his hands again. Dan took a step back, giving him space, and smiled encouragingly. He wasn’t sure he should speak in the same way that he’d be careful not to make too much noise if a wild bird landed nearby.

After a confused pause, Rorschach took Dan’s smile for the encouragement it was intended to be and reached for his mask again. Pulled it off.

The man in front of Dan was a sort of amalgamation of everything he’d thought Rorschach might look like under the smooth black and white surface of the mask, though not necessarily in the exact combination he’d pictured. The freckles Dan could draw blindfolded on Rorschach’s chin and cheeks continued their pattern up from there, collecting around the bridge of his nose, and a few brave, lone freckles were branching out across his forehead. Dan had so hoped that his partner was a redhead that he’d trained himself to think of him as blonde, to avoid any moment’s disappointment, so the colour of his hair provoked a grin. He had also been so keen to simply to make real eye contact with Rorschach that he hadn’t given much thought to his partner’s eye colour. Pupils took priority over irises, and as Dan stared into them, they widened.

Then Rorschach broke eye contact, taking a step back. “I understand that our recent intimacy will end now” he told Dan, “but I hope our partnership can continue. Our work together…that is, the partnership…it. Is important.”

“Wait” managed Dan, “end? Buddy, I know you’re a little conflicted about all this but…” Dan trailed off, noting Rorschach’s surprised expression. “Oh wait a minute!” he exclaimed. “Rorschach, did you show me your face to try to _end our relationship_?”

Rorschach shuffled his feet a little, wrapping his arms around his torso. “Obviously I assumed you’d feel no further need for acts of intimacy after…” and he gestured to his face. Dan grabbed the gesturing hand and – against all sense of self-preservation – pulled his partner into a hug. “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard” he said into Rorschach’s brilliant hair. “You’re an idiot.”

“Enk. I was just trying to preserve both consciences.”

“There’s nothing unconscientious about…” Dan paused, not sure he wanted to use the L-word again only for it to be ignored or rebuffed. Rorschach pulled away. “Regardless” he told Dan, “We should try to resist these baser impulses. Hat.”

After a confused second, Dan handed him his hat. Then he watched Rorschach cover up his human face with those damned inscrutable inkblots and leave without another word.


	2. Chapter 2

“Hrm” Rorschach sat up from the basement floor and looked around for his clothes. “Baser instincts are proving to be harder to resist than I foresaw.”

“Well, how did you think the human race has been furthering itself all this time?” Dan sat up beside him, and handed him his shirt. “It’s not by everyone waiting until everything’s in place for a baby.”

“I was aware.” Then Rorschach tilted his head, turned his face – his real face – to Dan. “We can’t have a baby, Daniel.”

“Well I’d hardly be much of a biology graduate if I hadn’t already worked that out. I just mean sex can be very…appealing.” Appealing enough that this was the third time they’d failed to resist their “baser impulses” since Rorschach had unmasked. Dan handed him the mask now. He still left in full costume, wisely. Though Dan always offered, “You’d be welcome to stay the night you know.”

“No”

“We don’t have to do anything, if you don’t want.”

“Too much of a risk”

“How? No-one knows you’re here.”

“Not that sort of risk, Daniel.”

“I’ll behave myself if you will” Dan grinned. Rorschach responded with a disgusted sound and muttered something about temptation. Dan felt his grin sag. If staying the night was too much of a temptation, he wondered what else was: patrolling together? Their entire partnership? And was he really supposed to just let his partner storm off home after every session? It didn’t seem gentlemanly. “Stay and have a shower then. Or coffee – one for the road.”

Rorschach simply shook his head, dressed and stood. “Patrolling tomorrow?” he asked.

“Of course.”

Rorschach nodded and left, leaving Dan to scrape himself off the basement floor and head upstairs alone.

*****

What exactly they were doing was anyone’s guess. Certainly Dan doubted Rorschach knew any more than he did. It wasn’t like Dan hadn’t tried. Rorschach had made it painfully clear that he wasn’t looking for this to keep happening, so Dan refused to make the first move, made every effort (and it was an effort) he could to keep things in the friendship zone.

Except of course the friendship zone he had with Rorschach was in itself more intimate with anything he had with his, well, friends. For one thing, they faced down death together on a regular basis. That added a layer of intensity to their every interaction, as did the fact that Rorschach was only a handful of people who knew Nite Owl’s identity and Dan was the only person who’d seen Rorschach unmask.

Then there was Rorschach’s conversation: where Dan’s college friends had talked about girls, football and cars, Rorschach talked about ethics, sociology and the meaning of life, ensuring that Dan knew him perhaps better than he knew anyone else on earth when it really came down to it. Dan hadn’t known his own father’s views on whether animals had souls, not after years of bird watching together. Rorschach had given his views on the subject after only two patrols together. And Rorschach knew some pretty personal stuff about Dan too. So that was another layer of familiarity to ensure their friend zone was really very close to their romantic zone even if they didn’t touch each other.

Not that that was the real problem with resisting whatever Rorschach thought they should be resisting (because apparently just getting together and being happy would be too easy). No, the problem was that Rorschach would suffer through days of painful formality and then, after successful patrols his (resolve? reluctance? revulsion?) reticence melted away and he’d pull his mask up to kiss Dan. And Dan, much as he was withholding from making the first move, refused to avoid the second move. And things spiralled from there until they wound up naked together, generally on the basement floor, or on the cool metal that coated Archie’s base while the airship hovered high above the city.

When it was over, the particular set of Rorschach’s shoulders would tell Dan that he saw what had just passed as a personal failure. Dan wasn’t sure if his partner thought he was failing himself, or Dan, or God or justice or maybe just his own determination. Dan didn’t care. Or rather, he did care, but couldn’t help. No way would Rorschach accept reassurance from him – it wasn’t like he didn’t stand to gain anything from a sexually liberated Rorschach. So after every time Dan followed their established pattern of resistance and submission, each time less concerned that they’d get stuck on the former. And he didn’t know what they thought they were doing, but whatever it was, neither of them could be thinking that this was healthy.

*****

When, on the sixth time, they actually made it up to Dan’s bedroom, shedding clothing as they went, Dan naively expected Rorschach to stay the night. He didn’t; just went through the same tired routine of jumping up as soon as he could, dressing and leaving.

They reached the bedroom the seventh time too, and the eighth, and Rorschach still didn’t stay for so much as a post-coital cuddle. After that, Dan started to think seriously about putting a stop to the whole thing himself. It wasn’t that the sex wasn’t good. It was in fact overwhelmingly so. It was just that Rorschach was obviously so conflicted about it that Dan felt their encounters were morally ambiguous at best. Dan might have known Rorschach’s views on any different current affair (sometimes more than he wanted to), his beliefs about every aspect of philosophy and every move in his combat repertoire, but he knew nothing about his past. And whatever was in Rorschach’s past, it hadn’t readied him for an emotionally fulfilling sexual relationship, let alone one with another man. Dan wondered if by sleeping with the guy anyway, he wasn’t being abusive in some way. But then, it was always Rorschach who started it. And rejecting him would hurt him too, wouldn’t it? Would hurt both of them.

Every time it had happened it was hungry and harsh and every time, Rorschach was gone before Dan’s post-act glow had completed its increasingly rapid transition from satisfied for himself to concerned for his partner. Obviously Dan worried that all this was jeopardising their partnership but post patrol, stumbling out of Archie with the adrenaline still throbbing in his blood, it was easy to forget that risk. Dan had wanted this for so long. He hadn’t imagined that he’d get it, let alone that he’d get it and find it empty and destructive.

*****

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Dan asked on their ninth encounter, the fourth time they stumbled into his bed, wrapped together like mating snakes.

“I wouldn’t be doing it if I didn’t.” Rorschach told him.

“I know but…well if any of this is making you uncomfortable…”

Rorschach responded by wrapping his legs around Dan’s hips. “I trust you, Daniel.”

That was the crux of the matter, Dan realised: Rorschach trusted him. In Rorschach’s world, trust was more important affection. Rorschach moved in a world where actual, physical survival was a genuine concern and chose his mate accordingly. If it weren’t for Nite Owl, he wouldn’t look twice at Dan Dreiberg. Then again, nor would anyone else.

“Something wrong, Daniel?”

“No” Dan closed further conversation down with a kiss. The only kissing they did was passionate, no pecks on the cheek or lingering caresses on the lips. They kissed hard throughout that time, the contact only broken when Rorschach ran the uneven edge of his teeth over Dan’s skin. Dan responded by kneading Rorschach’s back, appreciating the shivers this prompted. Each time they did this, he felt closer to his partner than the time before, all worry tumbling away.

Only to seep back in when Rorschach scrambled out of bed as soon as they broke apart and hurried away.

*****

“Tell me your name” Dan asked the tenth time, his hand against Rorschach’s jaw. But Rorschach flinched away.

“You don’t need to know that, Daniel.”

“But I want to. Please.”

“We agreed you wouldn’t ask again.”

“But that was years before we started sleeping together.”

“We don’t sleep together” Rorschach stated. And it was true. No sleeping side by side, no sharing breakfast. Just this, twisting under Dan’s covers until it was over.

“I could guess your name” Dan persisted.

“I’d leave. Should anyway.”

“Don’t” Dan ran his hand over his partner’s bony arm in what he hoped was a soothing motion. Rorschach responded with a rougher kneading against Dan’s skin, and Dan arched his back and forgot all about names.

*****

“Where were you?” Dan asked a week later when Rorschach reappeared as though he hadn’t dropped off the map since they last spoke. Rorschach made a movement not unlike a shrug. Dan sighed. “Don’t tell me then. Shall we?” He gestured to Archie and led his partner aboard, set the airship going without his usual feelings of enthusiasm. “You could have said something” he griped. “If you had to stay away.”

“We’ve worked apart before” Rorschach pointed out.

Dan only sighed again. His partner knew perfectly well that he’d been worried those times too, had asked for an explanation back then as well, but anyway, this was different because, “Those times weren’t after sex.” Rorschach hissed and tensed in the passenger seat. “What?” asked Dan. “I’m not allowed to say the word? We’ve done it ten times now; we should be able to talk about it.”

“Hrm. I wasn’t aware you were keeping count.”

“Like you weren’t!”

“We’ve got better things to discuss, Daniel. A drugs shipment is due tonight. Something new.”

“I’m well aware of that. I don’t see how it stops us having one conversation about –”

“We could have patrolled on foot faster than this” Rorschach cut in. “Pick up some speed, Nite Owl. You’re driving like an old woman.”

Dan was riled at the attack on his driving of his own invention but bit back any retort. “Have it your way, buddy. We’ll just keep pretending this partnership is in no way changed shall we?”

“It isn’t”

Actually, Rorschach was right about that. Dan wondered if that was the problem. When they weren’t under Dan’s bedcovers together they followed the same script they always had, parting with a handshake on the nights they didn’t fuck, keeping their conversations mostly curt and business-like. “I don’t even know your name” Dan protested and Rorschach just looked at him, the ink pooling and parting on his expressionless face.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delayed up date everyone...My time hasn't been my own. I'll hopefully speed up now.

At some point, Dan stopped counting. Rorschach stayed for a few hours after almost every patrol now and they spent most of that time fucking. That was the word for it. Dan wanted to call it something more romantic but really, it wasn’t intimacy so much as venting and unravelling after patrol.

He felt, not necessarily closer to Rorschach now, but more connected. It felt like they were a single unit now. He had always wondered about how the two of them looked together from the outside. Two grown men, in costume, picking fights with criminals every night and doing surprisingly well. To someone seeing them side by side, did they look intimidating? Insane? Ridiculous? Where he’d wondered before, now his thoughts returned to it constantly, every time they passed someone on the streets who wasn’t in need of protection or a thrashing. He began to wish they’d introduced some sort of shared emblem to their costumes to advertise their unity. Some black and white detailing for him, perhaps, or an…owl badge for Rorschach? He heard his partner’s voice in his head: _ridiculous_. But more than ever, he wanted them to look like a team.

Except Rorschach wouldn’t allow it. Out in public, Dan followed Rorschach’s lead in pretending this wasn’t happening.

It was happening though. And Dan spent every patrol hoping that that night would be one of the times it did, no matter how troubled he felt when Rorschach left in a hurry afterwards.

*****

“I know I say this every time, but you could stay the night.” Dan emerged from his shower to find Rorschach already dressing.

“Work tomorrow” grunted Rorschach.

“Tomorrow night then. You don’t work Saturdays do you?” He knew Rorschach didn’t because his partner used to sleep on the couch some Friday nights, back when they did more together than patrol and fuck. Dan kind of missed those Saturday mornings when they’d just hang out. Rorschach grunted again, in a non-committal sort of way. Dan said, “We never just spend time together any more.”

“We just did”

“I don’t mean it like that!”

“Nothing good will come of encouraging the situation.”

“I think we’re a little past the encouragement stage, buddy. It’s sort of just happening now.” Dan sat down on the bed. “Hey, how about you come over this weekend? I could cook.”

Rorschach gave him a disparaging look, which was quite a feat for a man with a latex mask rolled half way down his face, with one shoe on and one shoe off. “Bad idea, Daniel”

“Why?” asked Dan, “And don’t say because we might end up in bed together because we seem to do that a lot these days and you still come over.”

A troubled sort of huff from his partner. “After patrol with emotions running high it seems inevitable.” Rorschach conceded quietly. “It’s a different matter to encourage it.”

Putting aside how twisted that particular logic was, Dan asked, “And just one dinner would encourage it?”

“Obviously.”

“Because I’m so irresistible?”

Rorschach gave him a look that could only be read as _get over yourself_ and very noticeably didn’t contradict him.

*****

“You said ‘love’ once” Rorschach was staring across Dan’s bedroom to his desk. Dan wished for the first time that his desk wasn’t covered in model airplanes and sketches of birds. Rorschach spoke slowly, as if just letting the idea form in his brain might scare the reality of it away. “You said love in relation to this. To what we do.”

“Yeah” Dan agreed. This counted as a long post-coital lingering for Rorschach. It certainly didn’t count as cuddling – Rorschach had tensed as soon as Dan had reached for him and now they lay apart. But it was something, and Dan didn’t want to ruin it by saying the wrong thing.

Rorschach fidgeted in what Dan might have called a show of nerves if this wasn’t Rorschach. “You love…this?”

“And you.” It was only the truth: Dan had loved Rorschach from the first time his partner had knocked him from the path of a bullet. Since the first time he’d berated Dan’s politics in hilariously colourful terms and then stayed for dessert anyway. “I do love you, buddy.”

“Hurm” Rorschach kept his eyes firmly averted. “That’s bad, Daniel.”

*****

In the end, Dan didn’t know what he’d done to earn knowing his partner’s name. Rorschach had just told him as he got dressed before slipping out into the city just before dawn one morning. “Walter”

Dan, sleepy and post-orgasm, almost missed it. “What?”

“Walter. If you insist on knowing my other name.” Rorschach paused, pulling the belt on his coat as tight as it could go. “Don’t use it outside of intimate acts.”

*****

When Dan doubled over after a fight, hand grasping the gash in his uniform, Rorschach hovered beside him, tense. “Alright D – Nite Owl?”

“Yeah” Dan replied before checking it was true. He straightened and reluctantly peeled his hand from the cut in the armour at his torso.

Blood was warm at his palm. When Rorschach saw it he gripped Dan’s bloodied hand in one of his own, the other hand catching hold of Dan’s other arm to steady him. “Back to Archimedes” he announced with a noticeable tremor in his tone.

“Yeah.” Dan winced as he took a step. “It’s not too bad.” The cut was long but shallow.

“You would say that. Incorrigible optimist.” Rorschach kept a tighter grip on Dan’s arm than was strictly needed to keep him steady, carefully ushering him to the fire escape ladder to the roof top Archie was parked on and keeping close behind as they made their cumbersome way to the top.

In the glare of his owlship’s interior lighting, Dan carefully removed his armour piece by piece. Rorschach took and set aside each piece as it was discarded, all without taking his gaze from Dan’s blood. The gloved hand that had gripped his arm was, Dan realised, now at his back, not quite touching.

Pulling away the last panel of armour to reveal the cut as being in no way serious, Dan let out a shaky laugh. “There, see? No big deal.”

Rorschach leaned a little closer to examine it. “Do you need stiches?”

“No. Just a little gauze.”

Rorschach nodded and handed over the first aid kit that Dan hadn’t noticed him pick up.

After dressing the wound, a little more than Dan felt was really needed, they sat side by side in the stationary airship for a moment, until Dan asked, “So, home?”

“Agreed. We’ve done enough tonight.”

That night was the first time their love making could really be called that. The first time it was careful and tender.

When they were done, Rorschach slipped off the bed. “Goodnight, Daniel.”

“Hey, lie back down. Just stay half an hour, can’t you?”

“No”

“We could take a shower together.”

“You can’t shower: you’re covered in gauze.” Rorschach handed over a fistful of tissues from the bedside table. Dan took them and tried, “Well then maybe I need someone around to keep an eye on me?”

“Work tomorrow. I need to leave.”

Dan wondered if that might really be why his partner always hurried away: maybe he really did just need that extra thirty minutes in bed before work. But he doubted it. For one thing, how did that explain the same thing happening at the weekend? No, Rorschach’s problem wasn’t time management. It was the fact that the more loving they were, the more in a hurry he was to escape.

*****

Dan had worried at first that he’d accidently call Rorschach “Walter” on patrol, but he was so used to his partner’s mask-name that all that happened was he sometimes called Walter “Rorschach” in bed.

*****

One of the handful of scientific journals Dan still had a subscription for following his college days arrived in the mail featuring an article about the sexual behaviour of the American bullfrog. Dan made sure to leave it open near the fridge so that Rorschach, helping himself to Dan’s leftovers before patrol one evening, would spot it. If Dan was hoping his partner would find it a revelation, he was disappointed.

“Have to question your taste in reading material sometimes” Rorschach declared tossing the journal aside as Dan came into the kitchen.

“You didn’t find it interesting?” Dan asked. “I mean, the way some of the frogs in the study favour their own sex –”

“They’re frogs, Daniel. It’s none of our concern how frogs copulate. If anything, a little perverse of the scientists to take an interest.”

Dan wondered if that was another spiritual decree: Thou shalt not take interest in the copulatory habits of frogs. “Well, I just thought if it happens in nature –”

“We’re supposed to rise above our nature” Rorschach returned.

“We are?”

“Yes. We’re a higher species. Now, are you ready for patrol?”

Later, after they broke up a particularly nasty knife fight, Dan steered Archie skyward and commented, “You know, if we’re a higher species, the crime rate among American bullfrogs must be astronomical.”

“American bullfrogs don’t have the concept of crime” replied Rorschach from the passenger seat. “They’re frogs, Daniel.”

“Whereas we’re bright enough to both invent and break laws.”

“We just have a regrettable number of deviants.”

And wasn’t that a regrettably unhealthy attitude to take to the human race, but Dan was too tired for an argument. “I’m just saying maybe frogs are on to something.”

“Blissful ignorance?”

“You said it, buddy.”

“You shouldn’t be cynical about the human condition, Daniel.”

“Oh that’s rich coming from you!”

Rorschach huffed. “I demand high standards of my fellow man. Humanity has an elevated status. Regardless of deviants.”

Dan wondered if he and Rorschach were still on the long list of deviants that Rorschach’s mind contained. “The Bible says that, does it?”

“Possibly.” Rorschach faced forward, eyes apparently on the skyline. “I’ve been re-reading it” he told Dan, “in light of recent personal discoveries.”

“Yeah?” Dan tried to keep his tone casual.

“Yes. It’s confusing. Some parts are contradictory.”

“Anyone would think it’s a religious text.”

“There’s no need for sarcasm, Daniel” Rorschach told him primly.

“Sorry.” Dan shifted Archie’s gears, drawing him into a downward swoop into the next neighbourhood on their patrol schedule.

“I don’t like parts of Deuteronomy 22” Rorschach mused. “I prefer the modern method of dealing with rapists.” He flexed his knuckles meaningfully.

“Not a flawless read, then?”

“It was written by men. Not God.”

“And what do those men say about you and me? And should we care?”

“We have to get answers somewhere, Daniel.”

“I vote not them.”

“Then where?”

“How about gut instinct? Nothing about you and me together feels wrong.”

Rorschach’s frowned, sending ink clawing across his face in all directions. “As a child I used to think it right and wrong were easy to distinguish.” He admitted. “But now deviance disguises itself as love and love masquerades as deviance”

“So you can’t be sure of anything.” Dan finished for him resignedly. He wasn’t sure later if he’d imagined the inclination of Rorschach’s head in his direction as his partner replied, “Of some things I can.”

*****

“Do you wish you were different?” Rorschach asked him later as he pulled on his clothes.

Dan, wiping himself clean and trying not to fall into a happy, post-coital slumber, sat up a little against the headboard. “I wish I was a bit braver without dressing up as an owl first” he replied, “but I get the impression that’s not what you mean?”

Rorschach did his pants up and sat down on the bed, an act of post-intimacy closeness that was uncharacteristic in itself. He was unmasked, his expression exposed and uneasy. “If you found a nice young lady…” he began.

“I’d tell her I’m taken.”

“She could give you a normal life.”

“Buddy, I dress up as an owl and fight crime. What would I do with a normal life?”

“I’m being serious, Daniel. She could be seen with you in public. And give you children.”

“I’m not going to be with someone just for the sake of having children!” Dan reached over and stroked Rorschach’s arm. “Look, Walter –”

“Rorschach” his partner corrected him. “The intimate act’s over.”

“Just barely. Lie back down, can’t you? We could talk about this properly.”

Rorschach stood up. “There’s nothing to talk about.” He gathered up his coat from the floor and pulled it on. “I’m only saying I’d understand if you found a lady friend.”

“Oh, ‘only’! You’re ‘only’ saying you wouldn’t care if I left you for someone else!”

Rorschach flinched. “Obviously I’d care, Daniel. I didn’t say I wouldn’t care.”

“I know” Dan relented. “But it’s not going to happen, alright? I’m with you.”

“Hurm”

“Hey, maybe it’s me who should be worried? Are you thinking of leaving me for any nice young ladies?”

“Enk. Daniel, now you’re being ridiculous.”

*****

“Who is she?” Laurie asked over coffee the following week.

Dan blinked, caught out as he so often was by Laurie. “What?”

“Or he.” Laurie amended, sipping her coffee.

“What makes you think there’s either?”

“Ah, so it’s a good-looking, intersex aviation enthusiast?”

“No”

“Or a nice, gender-neutral birdwatcher?” “No, but –”

“So he or she?”

“How do you know there’s anyone?” Dan asked, and then added, “And I do have other interests, you know.”

Laurie nodded. “I know. It could be someone you met at a mythology lecture.”

“No”

“Or through the Gazette’s lonely hearts ads”

Dan laughed. “Most definitely no.” She raised an eyebrow. “Ah, so she’s not a Gazette reader?”

“He. And no.”

“Is he a birdwatcher?”

“Well he watches me very closely.”

Laurie laughed. “I knew there was someone. You’re so happy.”

“I don’t really do well alone.”

She smiled an understanding that spoke of the very specific loneliness that comes with dating a god, and had her seeking out Dan’s human company in this nondescript little coffee shop. “I’d ask if I know him” she said, “but unless it’s Adrian, I’m guessing no.”

“It’s not Adrian. But I guess it’s not impossible you might have run into him now and then.” That was safe, Dan thought. After all, Laurie didn’t know Rorschach, as in actually know the sweet guy he was underneath the mask.

As far as he knew, that was something very few people knew and he was one of them. Like the Nite Owl identity, Walter was something precious and private. Something just for Dan.


	4. Chapter 4

“Hey, um, I cleared out a drawer upstairs. In the bedroom.” Dan told Rorschach one evening as they sat his kitchen table. Rorschach looked at him blankly, or at least it looked blank with Rorschach’s entire face covered by the mask. Dan added, “For when you stay over.”

More blankness. Dan amended with, “ _If_ you stay over, that is. If you ever want to.”

Rorschach said nothing. The ink in his mask shifted lazily under the glare of the kitchen light. Dan tried, “You could keep some pyjamas in it, maybe. Or a change of underwear. Or some work clothes, perhaps. Then you could stay over on weeknights. If you wanted.”

“Daniel, this is supposed to be a planning session. Focus.”

“I am focused. I’m just saying, I cleared out a drawer for you. I forgot to mention it earlier.”

“I asked if there’s any way to hack into the dealer’s security system and you replied that you’ve cleaned out a drawer. You are not focused.”

“Sorry” said Dan and instantly regretted it. He should have said _I told you I’ve cleared you storage space in my home and you tell me to focus!_ or even just, _You’re welcome._ Still, he made an effort to keep his mind on strategy plans for the rest of the evening.

Once they were done, Rorschach didn’t stay.

*****

“So” said Hollis, when Dan came over to watch a game, “How are things? Outside of masking, I mean.”

“Oh fine” Dan accepted a beer and sat down on the couch, trying not to get in Phantom’s way, but the dog shifted over in a put-upon, arthritic sort of manner. “Sorry, boy”

Hollis was frowning as he took his seat. “What are you up? Write any papers lately?”

“Not really. So, um, how are you?”

Hollis’ frown deepened. “You know, Danny, adventuring’s got a way of eating everything else up. It’s really important to keep some things safe from it. To do other things.”

“I know, Hollis.”

“So, are you? Writing papers, seeing friends?”

No and no. “Well, not…no papers lately. And my friends have been a little fragmented, I guess. Since college. I saw Laurie last week, though.” On TV. The last time he’d seen her in person was last month. Time had a habit of speeding by in a blur, slowed here and there by the crystalline intensity of the best patrols and his time with Rorschach.

Hollis was regarding him thoughtfully. “What about romance?” Seeing Dan grimace around the can at his lips, Hollis added, “I know it’s none of my business, but your wellbeing is.”

“I’m okay, Hollis. Really.”

“Alright. But just so long as you’re not letting masking take up all your time. You owe yourself time for other things.”

An image of Rorschach – decidedly not in his mask or anything else – cut through Dan’s thoughts and he put his drink to his lips again, hoping to hide his blush. Setting it down again, he reassured Hollis, “Don’t worry about me. I do have someon – other – some other things in my life.” Well, that declaration could have gone better, he told himself.

Hollis smiled. “So there’s someone special?”

Not sure how Hollis would react to that someone special’s gender, Dan nodded cautiously. Hollis’ smile widened. “Well that’s wonderful, Dan. You should bring her over some time. I’d love to meet her.”

“She, err” Dan hated this. If only he’d come out to his mentor when they first met, he thought. Then he wouldn’t have to choose now between passively lying by omission or risking changing a now well-established relationship. But he hadn’t even been seeing anyone when he’d first met Hollis, and it hadn’t seemed important. Realising that he’d trailed off at _she, err_ , Dan coughed. “We’re taking things slow right now.”

“Understood. But I’d still love to meet her when you’re both ready. Not for beers, of course. I’d cook.”

“That sounds great Hollis. It’s just…she works long hours and…” Oh damn, it. Enough of this. “ _They_ work long hours. And we’re taking it slow.” Very slow, actually, in terms of talking. Just in case Hollis had missed the unspecific pronoun, Dan added, “But they make me happy” When they weren’t rejecting drawers, that was.

Also, why couldn’t he say “he”? Should he say “he”?

But Hollis understood. His eyes opened a little wider and his smile faltered for just a moment as though a breeze had rushed through his skull and overturned it. But then it was back, and it was the same genuine, warm smile Hollis always gave Dan. “Well that’s great, Dan. And they’re always welcome here.”

*****

In some ways, Dan found being with Rorschach easier than he’d found being with other guys. The world being what it was – a place where not everyone was Hollis – doing all the normal things taken for granted if he was with a woman were problematic when he did them with a man. Not problematic for him that was, but the fact remained that with a man, Dan could never, say, share a kiss while out for a stroll in the park and just blithely assume that he wouldn’t get a few nasty looks for it. Or worse. Of course, being a vigilante meant he didn’t need to worry too much about the worse, but getting into fights while unmasked was neither a good strategy for keeping his civilian identity secure, nor conducive to a romantic atmosphere. Easier in some ways to stick to dating women and he had, for years now, until Rorschach came along and love, being as oblivious as ever to its subjects’ convenience, had had Dan fall for him.

But with Rorschach, secrecy was already a cornerstone of their partnership. With Rorschach, avoiding things like candlelit dinners in public didn’t feel like hiding, but like how they had always functioned as a team. Time spent with Rorschach outside of patrol had always been in private at Dan’s house. Dan didn’t crave the usual romantic milestones. He didn’t want them to go on dates. Heck, just spending some time together outside of patrol and sex would be welcome these days. And then there was the fact that their partnership carried on much the same as it always had, an endless grind of patrolling and planning sessions interrupted by days of Dan waiting for patrol to start while Rorschach was off wherever he went in daylight hours.

This was their life. Anything else – an actual date, say – would probably feel false at this point. Anything else could come later – much later, if Rorschach’s attitude right now was anything to go by. Dan told him, “All I did was invite you round for dinner! There’s no need for a meltdown!”

“I’m not melting down” replied Rorschach, who had done nothing but pace at the back of Archie, restless and distracted, since Dan had really quite casually mentioned that he was cooking tomorrow. Dan added, “It’s just dinner at my place. It’s not a three course meal at the Ritz.”

“It’s inappropriate.”

“Inappropriate how? You used to come to dinner all the time!”

“You never asked before.”

“You never needed asking before – you just showed up. Now you just avoid me unless we’re…well, you know”

“Uncharacteristically coy of you, Daniel.”

“Well maybe I’m getting fed up of having my head snapped off every time I use the S word!” Dan retorted. “And you still haven’t given me an answer about dinner!”

“We’ve had this conversation, Daniel. It’s wrong to encourage ourselves to –”

“To what? To inappropriate behaviour? For someone with such high morals, you’ve been pretty inappropriate lately. That or maybe this isn’t inappropriate at all?”

Rorschach huffed and resumed pacing. Dan let his breath out in an angry sigh and gripped Archie’s controls tightly. “So that’s a no for dinner?” he threw over his shoulder, not wanting to turn and see the pacing.

“A decided no” Rorschach sounded like he was speaking through gritted teeth.

“Fine” Dan almost added, _I’m not sure I want dinner with you now anyway_ but bit it back. He wasn’t sure how far he could let his anger show without pushing Rorschach away. He was glad he hadn’t mentioned Hollis’ invitation. If this was how his partner reacted to the idea of eating together in his kitchen, he’d probably implode at the thought of bringing Dan’s mentor into it. Behind him, Rorschach said, “I’ll see you after dinner. For patrol. We still need to focus on that, Daniel.”

Dan sighed again, letting the noise come out more like a growl. “And we do” he replied. “We still patrol, we still protect the city. Don’t use that as an excuse to spend time with me.”

“You’re being ridiculous now, Daniel. We spend time together every night.”

“Yeah – patrolling! Not just…I don’t know… _being_. Not even just eating together; we’re always just patrolling or fuc –”

“Enk. No need to be crude, Daniel.”

“You’re the one being crude if you think just sitting down for a meal is going to encourage us to jump into bed together! We used to eat together all the time and we managed to contain ourselves!”

“That was before” Rorschach said simply

“Before what, before sex? The sex hasn’t changed us you know – we can still control ourselves! We could just have a nice meal together, spend some time together. Like we used to.”

Rorschach sat down heavily in the passenger seat. “For someone trying not to say ‘the S word’” he shot at Dan, “You aren’t achieving much.”

Dan glared at him and replied, “What – ‘sex’? Sorry, does that upset you? What about this – sex! Sex, sex, sex!”

“Daniel, grow up!”

“Oh, _you_ do not get to tell _me_ to grow up!”

In response, Rorschach folded his arms and stared straight ahead. Dan piloted Archie, his movements gradually fading from trembling with anger to careful and slow. Finally, he looked over to his partner and said, “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Hurm.”

“I didn’t mean to say you need to grow up. I know you must have your reasons for –”

“We don’t discuss my reasons, Daniel.”

“Right. Look – sorry.”

“I’m sorry too. I know you want more than I can give.”

“No – that’s not it at all. Ror – Walter. I don’t want us to do anything you’re not comfortable with. I just want us to spend some time together outside of patrolling and s – err – the bedroom.”

“Daniel, don’t call me Walter. This isn’t an intimate act.”

“Feels it” Dan returned, shoving his annoyance aside with some effort. “It is our first fight after all.”

“Not really”

“Really. I’ve just categorised the rest as bickering.” Dan risked a glance at his partner. “So did any of that go in, or did you get stuck on ‘Walter’?”

“We can’t have dinner, Daniel.”

“Why not?”

“There are…connotations now.” Rorschach twitched. “Romantic connotations.”

“Is that really so bad?”

“It’s wrong.”

“Look, buddy, if what we’re doing is wrong – which I’m far from allowing, but if it is – does romance really make it worse? Or better?”

Rorschach seemed to have no answer to that. He stared straight ahead as Dan drew Archie in to land.

*****

Making an effort to not feel bad about eating alone the following night turned out to not be necessary, because Rorschach actually showed up. Dan was just laying the table for one when his partner walked in with a gruff, “Evening, Daniel”

“Rorschach!” Dan felt a wide grin spread across his face. “It’s good to see you, buddy.”

Rorschach hovered in the doorway, one foot still on the basement steps, like he wasn’t sure if he was still invited. Dan nodded to the drawer where he kept the cutlery. “You’re right on time. Go get yourself a knife and fork.” He reached for a plate left to turn bone-dry on the drainer and laid an extra place, still smiling.

Tempting as it was to comment, Dan let the meal and the patrol that followed pass without asking what had changed his partner’s mind. Best not to make a big deal of it, he reasoned. Instead they talked about cases and then, once that inevitability was out the way, about everything else. Heading home by the end of the night, Dan felt content as he hadn’t in months. He’d realised he missed just _being_ with Rorschach, just spending time together without the contorted drama that had somehow taken hold as soon as they got physical, but he hadn’t realised just how much until here they were, talking like old times. He started to hum.

Only as they exited the owl ship back in the basement did Rorschach say, “I’m not staying, Daniel”

“Oh?” Dan tried not to sound disappointed. After all, it had been a great night regardless.

“No.” Rorschach scuffed an already scuffed shoe against the basement floor. “I thought about what you said. I see now that allowing for no romance is…ungentlemanly.”

Dan tried to keep his expression neutral, fighting the fond smile that Rorschach was bound to misinterpret. Rorschach continued, “But we still shouldn’t be intimate tonight. Not after dinner together. Connotations.”

“Uh huh” The held-back smile faded from his voice as Dan replied. _Connotations like what?_ he thought. _Like we might be in a relationship, shock, horror?_

Still, this was a start. Dinner, patrol – it was almost a date. Well, almost almost. Sort of. It was time spent together at least, and it was ending on amicable terms. No-one said dating Rorschach (almost dating/bedding/whatever this was) was going to be easy.

“Sorry, Daniel”

“Sorry for what?” Dan pulled himself together. “You don’t owe me anything just because we had a nice evening together, you know.”

“Hm. Appreciate your understanding.”

Dan wasn’t sure he’d really classify it as understanding. He still didn’t feel like he understood what was going on in Rorschach head, but he didn’t need to, to not push Rorschach to stay. He asked, “So I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Rorschach nodded. “Here. Usual time. Until then, Daniel.” As he left he took Dan’s hand briefly and squeezed it once, let go. The gesture left Dan blushing and he wondered why, until he realised that was the first unequivocally loving touch that had ever passed between them outside of sex. He changed and went to bed, still humming.

*****

The first thing Rorschach put in the drawer was a notebook. Dan routinely opened it accidently, some part of his brain still expecting it to be full of the little bits and pieces – cufflinks, pencil sharpeners, receipts, lock washers – that he’d cleared out of there, and it had always been accusingly empty before. But now he opened to drawer to find a small, spiral bound notebook, a pen hooked over the metal rings, the pages uneven and wrinkled with damp from wherever they’d been stored before showing up here, in Dan’s bedroom. Hesitating least it was something private, Dan picked it up. Unlikely Mr Paranoia would leave something private here, and Dan would have recognised his journal. A cautious peep at a random page revealed scrawled notes about cases, the language sparing, succinct where the journal – from the sections Rorschach had shared – went off at odd tangents. Where the journal was essentially an inky manifestation of Rorschach’s thought process, this notebook was in some ways a more practical document, perhaps something designed to be shared. Dan put it away again, smiling.

If he’d cleared a drawer for anyone but Rorschach, the notebook would have surprised Dan, but as it was he’d have been surprised by something more mundane. Either way, it made him hope that Rorschach, for all his resisting temptations crap, was envisioning actually staying the night eventually, hence his desire to have to hand something to write any sudden theories down in. Really, Dan hoped when Rorschach eventually stayed over, they’d be too busy for sudden theories to occur, but it was a start.

More mundane things followed. Dan never actually saw Rorschach put anything in the drawer; it seemed Rorschach, with all his predictable, squirrely secrecy, smuggled items in from his coat pockets while Dan was showering or lying sated with his eyes closed. But over the next few weeks, peeks into the drawer revealed first socks, then underpants, and then a clean (albeit greying) shirt and undershirt. And over the month that followed, these items were – again, somehow, with Dan not actually seeing Rorschach open the drawer – apparently worn and swapped for clean ones.

It took Dan a great effort not to betray his delight when Rorschach finally opened the drawer in front of him. Rorschach, being Rorschach, did this as if he’d never made any secret of the damn thing, just casually opening the drawer, fishing out the underpants inside and dressing in them instead of the pair still lying on Dan’s carpet. “You could add those to my laundry pile” said Dan, nodding at the latter.

“I don’t mind” Rorschach replied, stuffing the used pair in pocket as if they were something unseemly.

Dan rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on! Are you really going to take those home? I can just wash them here!”

“I can do my own laundry, Daniel”

“I know you can, but you might as well let me wash those since they’re here. And that way, you don’t need to keep carrying underwear around in your pockets.”

“Hm. You possibly have a point there.” Rorschach extracted the underpants and added them to the wicker basket that was currently overflowing with clothes Dan needed to get round to washing.

Dan classed it as a small victory.

*****

There had never been any denying that, of the two of them, Rorschach was the more committed crime fighter. Usually that didn’t trouble Dan since Rorschach’s commitment bordered on unreasonable and Dan liked to think of himself as a reasonable guy. But when it came to illness, it grated because Rorschach would push himself into patrolling no matter how lousy he felt (he thought he hid it well but he didn’t) and Dan would inevitably catch whatever his partner had. It was hard to give himself a pass on patrolling if Rorschach had patrolled with the same thing last week, so Dan would find himself feeling obliged to fight on – literally.

So when, after a few nights of notably cold wind and a chilly, sporadic rain, Rorschach turned up to patrol croakier than usual, Dan’s first thought was, _great, here we go again_. His second thought was that now they were dating – sort of dating – sleeping together – except not the sleeping part – his responsibility for the guy had at least doubled. He should say something, maybe try to get Rorschach to stay in, or at least to accept a hot drink before they left. But Rorschach, with his sixth sense for incoming sympathy, pre-empted him by expounding on some theory about how a dealer they were hunting was distributing his wares, and Dan was forced to leave that conversation for now.

Patrol started off quiet, or at least devoid of much human activity. The rain made quite a lot of noise. Rorschach suggested they head over to an indoor parking lot that sometimes attracted low level crime and Dan agreed readily, adding, “We could take Archie”

“Hn. Less conspicuous without. Might catch a few vandals in the act if we don’t give them warning.”

“I’m just thinking of the rain”

“Longer in the rain to walk back to Archimedes from here”

“Maybe. Hey, are you okay, buddy? You sound all snuffly.”

Rorschach tensed a little. “Fine” He glanced at some poor homeless guy hunkered in a doorway and strode a good few steps past him before muttering, “We have an infallible reputation to maintain, Nite Owl. It’s not enhanced by the use of the word ‘snuffly’.”

Dan glanced back the way they’d come. “What, you think that guy might have mistaken us for Dr Manhattan if I’d only avoided mentioning your cold?”

“I don’t have a cold.”

Bullshit, thought Dan, but he said nothing. They trudged on, Dan more attuned than he’d admit to Rorschach’s occasional sniffs and wheezing. After a while he tried, “Look, we could always finish early tonight. Since your impression of not having a cold is starting to fall apart a bit.”

“I told you, I’m fine.”

“Really, I don’t think any criminals are going to come out in this anyway.”

“You wouldn’t. You’re always overestimating the extent to which the lawless are deterred by bad weather.”

“No, I’m not” Dan wished he didn’t sound petulant but couldn’t really help it.

“You expect criminals to be put off by the cold during snowstorms and the heat during heatwaves.” Rorschach continued. “You underestimate just how badly some scum want to cause harm to law abiding citizens. We stay out.”

“Sure, sure. I’m just saying I don’t mind heading back when you’re ready.”

Rorschach drew himself up a little as if to impart another lecture, but then cut himself short with a sneeze. Dan opened his mouth to take advantage of the leverage that gave him but was interrupted by a scream. They both took off in the direction it came from.

“See?” asked Rorschach, twenty minutes later, as though there’d been no interruption. He stood in an alley littered with several unconscious would-be muggers. “They come out in the rain, Nite Owl.”

*****

“Hello, Walt – err - Rorschach” Dan greeted his partner the following night, salvaging his mistake not quite quickly enough.

“Good evening, Daniel” replied Rorschach, with mercifully no comment about intimate acts. Dan wondered if perhaps he’d get away with using his real name while they were alone on-board Archie, but decided not to risk it.

*****

“Stay” said Dan after patrol that night, as Rorschach shifted away from him and sat up in bed.

Rorschach shook his head and clambered out of bed, wiping his nose on the back of his hand as he went. Dan sighed and handed over the Kleenex. “Look, we don’t have to do anything. Except sleep. And it’s not like you’ve got work tomorrow.”

Rorschach grunted in a way that implied he wished he’d never let Dan know his working pattern. He gathered up his scattered costume and sat back down on the bed, clasping pants and shirt to his bare chest. “I’ve no need to stay. Goodnight, Daniel.”

Dan might have let it drop had that last part not come out more like, ‘goobmight, Bamiel’. “Buddy, you’re all bunged up. Just stay, alright? Heck, you could even sleep in the guest bed if you want to.” Dan reached out to stroke Rorschach’s arm but Rorschach swatted him away. “It’s only a cold, Bamiel. I’m not going to indulge your nursing fantasies.”

Dan mentally filed away that last part for later examination and replied, “So you admit you’ve got a cold?”

Rorschach gave a defeated sort of growl. Dan quickly spoke over any budding objections with, “I’d really like you to stay. I’ll bet you get better quicker if you don’t walk home in this rain.”

Rorschach seemed to consider this, lowering the shirt he was in the middle of turning the right way out. “Hurm”

Hesitantly, Dan reached for him and guided him back down until he was half-prone on the bed again. Muttering and tutting, Rorschach dropped his costume and scrambled up so that his legs were back on the bed too. “You’re completely incorrigible, Daniel.”

Dan grinned, happy not to point out that Rorschach wasn’t exactly putting up his best resistance. “Well, how about you indulge me just this once?”

“Hm. No intimacy.”

“No intimacy” Dan agreed. “We can just sleep. Would you like the guest bed?”

“Fine like this”

“Not quite, you’re not” Dan sat and rearranged the bed sheets until they were both covered. “There” He settled back down, an arm over Rorschach so that they were slotted neatly together, Rorschach’s back against his front. It wasn’t sex but it certainly felt intimate, and Dan was about to ask if they should stick to their own sides of the bed when Rorschach rolled over and pressed his face into Dan’s chest. Dan hardly dared to move so he didn’t. He stayed perfectly still as Rorschach fell asleep, not wanting to inadvertently startle his partner into putting his guard back up. Only once Rorschach was snoring softly did Dan let himself drift into sleep.

In the morning, Dan was aware of a weight on his chest and opened his eyes to find that Rorschach was half on top of him, his red hair adorably mussed and tickling Dan’s chin. One hand rested on Dan’s shoulder and the other on his opposite arm, while Dan’s hands had found their way to Rorschach’s lower back and settled there.

Walter, really, not Rorschach. Not here.

Walter’s breathing sent alternating breezes over Dan’s skin, warm with every exhale, cool on the inhales. Dan could have happily stayed there all day.

So, naturally, Walter woke up very quickly. But he didn’t get up. Instead he shifted to look Dan in the eyes. “Morning, Daniel”

“Good morning, Walter. Sleep okay?”

“Yes. It was…peaceful.” Walter frowned, as if peaceful wasn’t an adjective he’d usually ascribe to sleep. Dan wondered if maybe it wasn’t and if maybe that was part of the probably myriad reasons he’d never stayed over before.

Well, he had now. Dan smiled and smiled wider when he noticed the light pervading the room. “Seems like we slept late, huh?”

Walter groaned as though caught in the midst of some unspeakable weakness and closed his eyes. Dan understood and chuckled. “Yeah, I’m afraid so – there’s no getting home in costume this late. Looks like you’re stuck here.”

“Sorry, Daniel.”

“I’m not. We haven’t just hung out in ages.”

“Hm. We could use an extra planning session.”

“Well and that I guess. But I was thinking more along the lines of hot chocolate, TV and maybe scrabble.”

“…sounds good.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” Dan stroked Walter’s back, and his partner wriggled pleasurably, nuzzling the skin at his neck before stilling and simply lying there. After a while, Dan said, “Well…this is our first cuddle.”

“Suppose so”

“So, what do you think? Will you stay over again sometime?”

In a tone of one surprising himself, Walter replied, “Yes. I’m not at all opposed to that.”

Dan grinned. “I love you, buddy”

Walter offered him a shy smile in response, and hugged him closer. It wasn’t an answer but Dan understood.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
